Letter to Future Daughter

To my future daughter:


I think there are a few things you should know about me before you are conceived and come into this world. I may have plenty of strong qualities that will make me a good parent, but there are many things about raising a girl that I will definitely lack.


For starters, don't expect me to teach you how to do something like this to your hair:

photo credit here

I do not possess such finely developed hair styling skills. I've got ponytails down pat, I can do a mean French-braid, and my straight-as-straw hair doesn't need any coaxing to master the "sleek and straight" look. However, if you get your father's curls and waves, don't expect much guidance from me. And styling products? Don't even get me started. It's a lucky day when I'm able to find hairspray in my bathroom cabinet. 


Similarly, don't expect to have a mother-daughter bonding day where I teach you the ins and outs of using these kinds of tools:

photo credit here

I can't even begin to tell you what all those brushes are for and where on your face all those different shades and colors and tubes belong. Mascara I can handle. Eye shadow? Sure, just as long as you stick to the neutral colors and don't want to do anything fancy with eyeliners and smokey eyes or anything. Blush and foundation? You'd better have someone else pick the colors out, because that's what I did. And that about sums up my beauty routine.


But most importantly, you should know that I don't "get" fashion. And because of that, I will never let you leave the house looking like this:

photo credit here

Trust me, I won't care if it's what every one else is wearing. You might as well strike that phrase from your vocabulary now. And don't think that you can make the situation better by wearing slightly longer spandex shorts underneath. If anything, that will only draw attention to just how short your shorts are and they will promptly be confiscated. These same rules apply for any type of a skirt or dress. As long as you are living under my roof it will be expected that boys have to do more to see your butt cheeks than just walk behind you. 


If you have objections to any of this I recommend that you just go ahead and let all the male and tom-boy sperm ahead of you so that you can avoid the disappointment of having me as a mother.


Sincerely,
Your Caring Mother


Disclaimer: I do not, under any circumstances, have a bun in the oven. Nor is there currently any work being done to put a bun in my oven. I just felt this would be an enjoyable way to A) ridicule my faults as a women and B) address the serious of issue of way too short shorts that girls wear. We've had reasonably nice temperatures the past few days and it's butt cheek central around here--and no shame about it whatsoever. This kind of clothing is only the "style" because parents allow it to be--if every daughter's mother (or father!) refused to let her wear super short shorts, then clothing lines would be forced to carry more reasonable attire for teenagers. Bottom line.