Growing Pains

Yesterday I had a little discussion with my mom and sister that made me realize the awkward time of my life that I'm stuck in. Are you familiar with what I'm talking about? It's the "I'm married and on my own" period, yet the "I don't have kids of my own so holidays still take preference with and are celebrated with my parents". And because we live a mere seven miles from my parents, it sort of is expected that holidays are with them. Which I'm fine with. I get it. I fully support family time and getting together around holidays. And it'd be super easy if it were just Darrell and I coordinating schedules with my parents. But it's not. It's my sister. And her boyfriend. And my brother. And his girlfriend. And it doesn't matter if we celebrate Easter on Easter Sunday or two weeks before or two weeks after--you can bet your balls there will be a celebration. And EVERYONE will be there. No matter what.


Again, let me reiterate that I'm fine with family time. I'm fine with getting together over the holidays. But I'm also fine with having my own life--with my own family, even if it is just my husband at this point. And I don't know, maybe part of the reason that I'm feeling bitter about this is the fact that I've been with Darrell for 5 years, and in that time we have never celebrated an Easter or a Thanksgiving with HIS family (and he hasn't celebrated those holidays with them in over eight years). And I don't feel like that lessens our relationship with them or means that we don't have strong family values--it just means that we're all able to recognize that it just. doesn't. work. And no one stresses about it or gets upset about it, it's just the way things are for this period in our lives.


Which, for my family, is an unheard of concept. If we're doing something, we're ALL doing something. We WILL find a way. And ultimately, because this is not a perfect world, someone will have to give something up. And make a compromise. Whether it be my dad giving up a celebration at his alma mater for their 150th anniversary. Or my sister (and her boyfriend) giving up their time (and gas money) to drive down here for what might end up being a one-day trip. Or myself giving up a work shift that I committed to four months ago (and trying to find a sub for said shift).


I know that I'm exaggerating the severity of this issue. I'm well aware of that. And I know that because of that I'm coming down really hard on the whole "family holidays" thing. Which I don't (entirely) mean to be. I just wish that my family could acknowledge that family time is family time, whether it's Easter weekend or a random weekend in June. Because at some point, especially if Darrell and I move out East like we want to, the only way a family Easter will happen with my parents and my siblings is if they all fly out to NC. I know that sounds harsh and bitter and mean, but it's the truth. It's realistic. 


I'll say it one last time--especially for the benefit of any of my family that may be reading this. I really do enjoy family time. I think it's great and I think it's incredibly important. But I think that the benefits of family time can be lessened when some of the parties involved might be harboring resentment about having to give up something they wanted to do or feeling stressed about packing family time into an already full weekend. And like I said earlier, part of the reason I feel this way is probably a reflection of the person I married and the (little) time I spend with his family. Little though it may be, everyone knows nearly a year in advance when the time together is going to be, and everyone makes it a priority. It's not the "wait until less than a month beforehand and try to find a time that 'works' with everyone to squeeze it in" stuff that my family does. And yes, when it happens (and it does always manage to happen), family time with my family is still great. It's still a ton of fun. It's still creating lasting memories. But sometimes? It's just A LOT of work to coordinate. 


Disclaimer: Mom or Amanda, I know that if you are reading this that you are probably fuming right now. But I'm not intending this as a personal insult by any means; this is simply how I feel about the issue. Family time is always good and meaningful and important, even if it doesn't "happen" on the holidays. I know we don't necessarily agree with that, but that doesn't mean that I refuse to be cooperative when it comes to scheduling stuff. So please don't interpret this in that way. And I know that we will always find a way to make things work for everyone--but sometimes the process of getting there is not enjoyable for me. Especially when I feel like the two of you have already collaborated and found a weekend to celebrate Easter that would "work" and now want everyone else to try to make it work as well. And it seriously makes me feel like the bad guy when I'm the one with the unmovable conflict when the two of you already have the. entire. weekend. planned.