Topsail Island

With Darrell's family living (primarily) in North Carolina, any trip to visit them is pretty much a vacation for us. However, we always make an effort to go out there every summer and join them for an actual vacation--a week-long trip to Topsail Island (read my 2011 recap here). This is actually a vacation that Darrell's family has been taking since before he was born, and many of his extended family members from Georgia make the trip up as well (including his grandparents). That element alone sets it miles apart from my family's vacation style--I can not think of a location that we have visited more than once on vacation. But even though it's the same beach and (usually) the same house and many of the same stores and entertainment, going there year after year never gets old.

2007--My first year at the beach!

Because I came from a family with very structured (and busy!) vacations, it took me a little while to adjust to vacationing with Darrell's family. Every day at the beach looks pretty much the same--wake up whenever you want, eat breakfast around nine, hang out on the beach, eat lunch whenever you want, take an afternoon nap, spend more time on the beach, have dinner around seven, and walk down to the putt-putt place for ice cream. Sometimes people will drive to nearby Surf City to do some shopping, sometimes people will head to Wilmington to tour the USS North Carolina, sometimes people will walk or drive down to the south end of the island to hunt for treasures in the tide pools, sometimes people will head down for an afternoon round of putt-putt, etc. Rarely (if ever) is there a gathering of all the travelers to mull through their options and come to a collective decision on what to do; rather, if you want to do something, go ahead and do it with anyone else who's interested!

A fun seashell picture from 2008

If you happen to find yourself on a vacation like this and the lack of structure is actually causing you stress (I secretly want to invite my sister along on a Beach Week some year because she'll just go crazy trying to figure out a "plan"), there are a few things you have to accept. My first year was a little nerve-wracking since not only was I not used to having such a laid-back vacation, but I also I didn't know Darrell's family all that well, so I mostly just followed Darrell around like a lost puppy all week. I wasn't exactly comfortable just hanging out at the house and "going with the flow".

Plug-fishing with Darrell my first year--and I caught a fish before he did!

For awhile I also used Darrell as my "voice"; if I wanted ice cream I would get him to agree to go with me, then let him inform others of our plan and invite them along. And for the first year, Darrell was pretty good about agreeing to do what I wanted so that I didn't have to (gasp!) ask anyone else.

NC isn't exactly known for it's surfing... (Darrell circa 2009)

After that year, though, I was pretty much on my own. I suppose I could have continued to follow him around and just do what he wanted, but that would have gotten old fast (especially with his habit of getting up at six am to go fishing). So in order to enjoy myself, there were a few things that I needed to come to terms with.

A really high tide thanks to tropical storms in 2007

The first thing I needed to accept was that with a vacation style like this, people aren't going to feel excluded if you choose to something that they don't want to do. Nor will they think you are pretentious if you choose not to do what they are doing. This mentality works really well because Darrell's family members aren't exactly ones to have secret agendas, so when they decline to join you for ice cream, it isn't code for "I want you to suggest walking to the sound instead". If they want to walk to the sound, they'll suggest it themselves (truthfully, this is something I'm still working on a little bit; I sometimes still like to use Darrell as my voice when it comes to suggesting things to do).

A mock engagement shoot a month after the proposal (2009)

I've also had to learn that it is okay to have an opinion and state it as such; not everything has to be a question geared toward finding the option that pleases the majority (seriously, when you get my family together, it's like no one has opinion. Everyone's all "what do you want to do?" "I don't care, what do you want to do?"). I don't have to ask "when is everyone else going to be ready to go in for lunch?", but rather I can say "I'm going to head in for lunch if anyone wants to join me". Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but their choices don't have to dictate mine.

And the past few years I've had to accept that when little ones are around, they do a pretty good job of dictating the schedule. And I'm perfectly okay with that. Because when John is ready to go outside, he's ready to go outside. Right. Now. And while he really only needs one willing adult to go out with him, how could you not want to join this smiling face in whatever he does?

Seven-month old John, 2009

Nineteen-month old John, 2010

Two and a half year old John, 2011

One important piece of advice though (which I know all mothers already know)--when you are on vacation with a toddler/infant, nap when they do. Because not only do you not want to miss any great moments with them, but when they are awake, they are totally on their own agenda. And that agenda may not include being quiet and respectful of other people trying to sleep  :)