On Not Being "Greedy"

So I don't do this very often, but I'm going to have a little bit of a soapbox moment about being a stay-at-home mom. Because this post has been years in the making--and I'm finally getting up the courage to write about it.

Last night at church, I was chatting with a father of two elementary school aged girls, and he asked if I work or if I stay home with my boys. I told him that I've been able to stay home, and he responded "That's great. We always wanted to do that, but we could never make it work. I guess we're too greedy". I don't exactly remember what I mumbled as a response, and I had to make a quick exit because Garrett started wandering out of my sight (like he enjoys to do), but the honesty of his words stuck with me. I've had a lot of people tell me that they wish they could stay home like I do, but that they just can't afford it. Now, I know there are certainly times when this is true... But I also know there are plenty of times where this isn't exactly the whole truth. Because I've been in their houses. I've seen what kinds of cars they drive, what kind of clothes they wear. I've heard them talk about the vacations they go on, the nights they spend eating out at restaurants. And I want to ask them "Really? You really can't afford to stay home? Or is it that you are not willing to alter the lifestyle you are living in order to be able to stay home?" Because Darrell and I are proof that it is doable. It isn't always easy--and trust me, we've had to make plenty of sacrifices--but it can be done. And, with careful budgeting and minimalistic spending, it can be done enjoyably and even allow for occasional "big" expenses--like our twice-yearly trips out east to visit Darrell's family.

I know staying at home isn't the right choice for every family--and for some families, it isn't even an option, no matter how tightly you budget. I get that. But when you hear that I stay home, don't tell me you "wish" you could too when the only thing holding you back is (as the person from church put it) greediness. Because trust me, I wish I could buy new clothes more often (for me and the boys!). I wish we could go out to eat more often (Sioux Falls actually has some pretty great restaurants that we just never get a chance to visit). I wish we could get through more of the house projects on our list (repaint/replace the siding, redo the kitchen, fix up the landscaping, to name a few). I wish we had upgraded to a larger car months ago (instead of holding out as long as we can before picking up a car payment). I wish lots of things that just aren't in the cards right now as we live off one salary--but would I give up the opportunities I have during the day with my boys to make those wishes come true? Absolutely not. So please, next time you hear that someone stays at home, don't get envious and wish that you could trade places with them--acknowledge (even if it's just mentally) that they are probably making some pretty serious sacrifices that you just aren't willing to make.