Every Now and Then

Truth: Before I went to college I NEVER listened to country music. Kids from Sioux Falls like to think of themselves as being from the "big city", and country music was for, well, the country folk (aka everyone who didn't live in Sioux Falls). However, going to college in a town that is pretty much in the middle of a cornfield in Iowa and full of small-town Iowa kids, country music became a pretty big part of my life (and I'm not ashamed to admit it). In fact, one of my favorite artists--of any genre--is a country musician--Garth Brooks. I probably know more of his songs than any other artist (of course--he also has more songs than most other artists, but that's beside the point) and my country Pandora station cycles through his hits pretty frequently.

So it was no surprise the other day when his song "Every Now and Then" started playing. Lyrics aside, I've always liked this song for its melody and sound, but for some reason the lyrics really stood out to me this particular time. Long after the song ended I found myself singing these lyrics in my head:

I love my life and I'd never trade
Between what you and me had and the life I've made
She's here and she's real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you

 

 And while the song is clearly about a former flame, the message within these lyrics struck me as being really relevant to where I am in life right now. I love my boys to pieces and honestly can't imagine my life without them, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't days that I miss our life before kids. I miss the days when we did crazy things like drive to Maine for a weekend just because we wanted some (good) fresh lobster. I miss some of our financial freedom--I wouldn't give up being a stay-at-home-mom for anything, but tracking every penny of spending gets exhausting. And it means that lots (and lots!) of purchases get pushed off to "someday" instead of "now" (remember when Darrell randomly surprised me with my mixer?  Those days are long gone). And heck--right now especially--I really, really miss being able to sleep through the night. Sure, thanks to the wonderful "village" we have to help with our kids we get breaks once in a while, and we still prioritize having a date night at least once a month, but it isn't the same. Because once you have kids, you are forever changed. You are forever a parent. Even if you aren't having to be a parent in that very moment. Yes, we lost some freedom and spontaneity and carefreeness by becoming parents, but what we gained is so much more valuable. And when the day comes that our kids are grown and we're able to reclaim some of those freedoms, I know we'll end up looking back on our days with little ones and wishing for them back. So I'll let myself have those moments where I long for our pre-kid days, and I'll smile as I think about the memories, but then I'll wrap my boys in a great big bear hug and give thanks for all the blessings parenthood has brought into our lives. And I wouldn't trade them for anything.