"I'm Not Drinking" Decoy #1

One of the most challenging things about trying to get pregnant, and then hiding said pregnancy, was coming up with reasons why I wasn't drinking. For many people this isn't an issue, but for those of you who know my family you know that alcohol and my family are 100% synonymous with each other. It doesn't matter if it's my brother's amateur baseball game, a trip to the lake cabin, or a Sunday afternoon watching the Twins/Vikings--you can bet there will be booze. So in order to keep our efforts a secret, Darrell and I came up with a variety of schemes to keep them from noticing that I wasn't drinking--and as they'll tell you, the decoys worked!

It didn't take long at all for us to have to implement one of our decoys. Not but a week after we started trying we went over to my parent's house to help them move some furniture, and it took all of five minutes for them to offer us a drink. Now, we were well aware that the likelihood of my being pregnant was slim to none, but we didn't want to take any chances (plus I was dying to try out some of our "tricks"). So it was time to implement ploy number one:

Request a drink, but make sure it's something you know they won't have available

Mom: Can I get you something to drink?

Me: Sure. Do you have a bottle of wine open? (I made sure to check their counter first to ensure that in fact, they did not)

Mom: No, your Dad just finished it last night. We can open another bottle though.

Me: Don't worry about it. You don't need to open a bottle just for me. 

Mom: Well, can I get you something else then?

Me: No, that's fine. I'm not really in the mood for anything else. Besides, it's getting kind of late and I have to work tomorrow anyway.

The beauty of this decoy is that you are still asking for something, so it doesn't look like you aren't drinking. And when they tell you they don't have what you are requesting and offer you something else you can easily play it off as you aren't really in the mood for anything else. And now if you slide in a "piggyback" excuse (I have a big test tomorrow; it's getting late, etc), that excuse won't look as obvious because you've already asked for a drink. This decoy could work at a bar setting as well; just make sure you know in advance what their drink selections are. Order a seasonal beer that you know they just took off the tap, and when the bartender says they don't have it, say you need some more time to think about it. And if they don't ask again what you want, great. And if they do, just say you'll pass. And then lament to your friends about how all you really wanted was the Boulevard Chocolate Ale.

(Oh, and by the way--in case you've been living in a hole for the past two months, it's Election Day. Celebrate the end of political ads by getting out and casting your vote!)