Wedding Wednesday: Timeliness

Alternate title: Don't put off stuff to the last minute and spend the week or two before your wedding freaking out.

I know I ended my series of "Wedding Wednesday" posts a few months ago, but in light of my sister's upcoming nuptials (just a few more days!), I decided to throw one more into the bunch. Because this week has been nothing but phone calls and last minute runs to the store and packing up half our house to travel to the wedding (granted, most of that is stuff for William, but I digress). And that's not even the half of it; apparently once we arrive at her place she has a (fully-booked!) itinerary for us for the next three days. Now, I fully understand that some of the stuff needed to wait until the final days because they are dealing with perishable items (flowers, food, etc), but I do know that a fair amount of the stuff could have been done in advance--and would have resulted in a lot less stress if it were.

So here's my two cents. If you know you are going to be in a difficult wedding planning situation (living in different cities, moving, starting new jobs, etc), throw out those "recommended" timelines and get as much stuff done as soon as you can--and start delegating tasks sooner than a week before the wedding. There's no reason that printing the programs should be a stressful ordeal (but it will be if you've waited until the very last minute to get them printed  and then are unable to get a hold of your finance to approve the final proof before the print shop closes. Unnecessary stress). And even though the store says it will only take three weeks to get your shoes dyed (or design and ship your wedding band), get those things done a lot more than four weeks before your wedding. Things might get lost in shipping or come back damaged, and now you are SOL. There is no harm in having those things done months in advance; it's not like the shoes will "go bad" before the wedding. And it will be much easier for you (and your family!) to enjoy your wedding day when you haven't spent the entire week beforehand stressed.


Disclaimer: Please don't think that I'm trying to imply that I'm perfect when it comes to managing my time. I'm definitely guilty of last minute stress before events; the chaos leading up to my sister's bridal shower is proof enough of that. And I certainly don't mean to be insulting my sister; many of the hiccups that have happened have been out of her control (although, to be fair, if she were getting the things done sooner than a month or two weeks before the wedding they wouldn't have been nearly as big of deals). But the bottom line is, regardless of the fancy wedding timeline that tells you to print your programs a month before the wedding, throw that out the window if you know your plate is going to be full with other tasks in those final months (or if wedding planning is going to be competing with another major life event). Paper products and material goods will not spoil, and the sooner you get them done the fewer things you have to stress about. 

Wedding Wednesday: Wrap-Up

Today's post is going to conclude my series of Wedding Wednesdays. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll be done talking about weddings--safe to say there will be at least a post or two about my sister's big day (coming up in July!), plus we have at least two other weddings on tap for the summer. Not to mention my sister's bridal shower--not totally wedding related, but if things come together like I've been planning I'll have lots of fun details to share from that (Darrell thinks I'm biting off more than I can chew since the shower is scheduled for a month and a half after baby is due... But what does he know).

I just have a few last tips to share today; things that didn't really constitute getting their own post, but are still worthwhile to consider (at least in my opinion).

Do your best to have accommodations for little ones
If you are not going to limit your guest list to attendees eighteen and over (which I know some people do), it isn't a bad idea to have some accommodations available for families with little ones. While most parents will plan ahead and bring toys or other items their child likes, it's a nice gesture as the bride and groom to have something available as well. Some suggestions? If you are decorating with balloons, leave some scattered loose for kids to play with (and make sure parents know that it's okay). This can be great for keeping them occupied during down-time at the reception (and if the parents are lucky, it'll wear them out). Consider having a small kids table at the reception site with coloring books and other kid-friendly items. You could even have coloring pages of wedding-themed items. If you have the space (and are expecting lots of little ones), offering a staffed nursery can be a huge blessing for parents. They'll have the piece of mind knowing their child is being looked after (at no cost to them), and the kids can enjoy toys and games and possibly even movies instead of getting bored listening to speeches and watching people dance.

Utilize your personal attendant
Your wedding day is going to be crazy. No matter how well you've planned it, things are going to come up at the last minute. You will want someone by your side who is calm, level-headed, and a good problem solver. While your Maid of Honor (or wedding planner, if you have one), may fit this description, chances are she will have other commitments tying her down during the wedding day. Having a personal attendant whose sole job is to focus on you and what you need can be a lifesaver. And since that person's responsibility is to be there for you, don't be afraid to lean on them. Because trust me, you will forget stuff. You might forget to eat; ask them to periodically bring you snacks and water during the day to keep you energized. You might forget to get a picture with some favorite cousins at the reception; give them a list of people you want pictures with and have them remind you periodically throughout the evening (especially useful if your photographer is not scheduled to be there for the duration of the reception). You may even find that it's hard to get away from people to use the bathroom; have your attendant agree to "interrupt" you every so often to give you an opportunity to duck to the ladies room if necessary (added bonus--your attendant is now available to help you manage using the restroom if your dress necessitates an extra hand or two). And the best way to utilize your personal attendant? Make sure people know to go to her first with issues. Most last-minute issues can by fixed by anyone willing to step up and take charge, and trust me when I say you'll have enough on your mind that you won't want to deal with some of the problems. Besides--you probably won't even notice if the flower petals lining the aisle have to get switched from real ones to fake ones at the last minute (true story: happened at my wedding. I wasn't even aware that there had been an issue with the flower petals until my personal attendant told me the next day).

Most importantly, relax and enjoy the day!
This is definitely one of those "easier said than done" statements, but it still needs to be said. Just remember that ultimately, the purpose of the day is to marry your significant other; everything else is just a detail. So enjoy the excitement, laugh about the things that don't goes as planned (because trust me, there will be things that don't go as planned), and cherish the time with your loved ones who are there to celebrate with you. An added bonus of staying relaxed and having a good time? You'll get much better pictures. Not only will the candid shots turn out better, but even in the staged shots the camera will be able to pick up the difference between a forced "I may be smiling but I'm actually worried about whether or not people are having a good time" smile and a genuine "I'm so happy and in love" smile.

Wedding Wednesday: The Honeymoon!

So I realize the honeymoon is a separate event from the wedding, but I'd be remiss if I completely neglected any discussion of the honeymoon in my series of wedding planning advice. Because honestly, planning the honeymoon can be just as stressful as planning the wedding. And since you are probably planning the honeymoon at the same time you are planning the wedding, reducing the stress for one will inherently cause less stress for the other.

Now, last spring I talked a little about our honeymoon, and in my discussion shared a few pieces of advice. You can check out the post for all the details, but in a nutshell, here are some of the things that I think are important to keep in mind:

Be true to yourselves
Sure, everyone may think of white sandy beaches and lying around all day with an endless supply of fruity concoctions when they think of a honeymoon, but if that doesn't fit the style of you and your significant other, do something else! There's no unwritten rule that says honeymoons have to involve exotic locations and ample relaxation; I know plenty of people who have gone to non-traditional places and done non-traditional things and loved every minute of it (including some friends who spent their honeymoon cross-country skiing through the North Woods of Minnesota).

Be flexible in your destination
If sandy beaches and fruity drinks are your cup of tea, remember that there are lots of options when it comes to locations. While the Caribbean is certainly popular, places in Hawaii (and even Florida!) offer many of the same amenities, and without the added headaches of passports and international travel. If visiting wine country is more your style, avoid the chaos of the ever-popular Napa area and try visiting some of the more secluded wineries in the Pacific Northwest. You never know what hidden gems you may find if you expand your search outside of the box a little bit.

Don't lose sight of the marriage in the excitement of the honeymoon (and wedding)
Probably one of the worst ways to start a marriage is in a boatload of debt because of an over-the-top wedding and/or honeymoon. Obviously one way to save money on your honeymoon is to follow the suggestion above and look at non-premium locations. It's generally always going to be cheaper to stay within the country than to travel out of it, and locations that are a little more off the grid often come with lower price tags (and as a bonus, they are often less busy!). Another option is to splurge for only a night or two instead of the whole vacation. Treat yourself to that five-star luxury hotel for the first few nights, but then spend the rest of your honeymoon at a more economical place. That way, you still get the experience of being pampered, but without quite as much of a price tag.

Absolutely, positively make sure that you TAKE a honeymoon
I didn't address this in my post about our honeymoon, but I think it is incredibly important. Even if you are the most organized person in the world (and/or have the best wedding planner ever), you will probably still leave your wedding feeling frazzled and exhausted. Having even just a little bit of alone time with your new spouse will allow you time to relish in the excitement of your big day (and recover!) before getting back to your "normal" life. Consider spending just a night or two at a bed and breakfast if you can't afford something more extravagant (or don't have the time off work to go away for longer), even if the bed and breakfast is in the same town you live in. Trust me--it'll be nice to have just a day together without any pressing issues to worry about.

As a final note, one thing that Darrell and I did that I would definitely recommend is working an extra day into your honeymoon where you are back home from your vacation but not obligated to be at work. We used this day for one thing and one thing only: organizing our house. It certainly wasn't very relaxing, but we spent the entire day putting away wedding gifts, rearranging cabinets and closets, schlepping old house goods to a second hand store, etc. And since we technically considered this day to be part of our honeymoon, there were no distractions from jobs, family, or friends, and we were able to get nearly all of it done in one fell swoop. Which made the transition of going back to work and adjusting to married life so much easier; there were no worries about when we would find time to clean, whose job it would be to put stuff away, where we would put stuff, etc. It was all taken care of and the only thing we had to worry about in the evenings after work was being husband and wife and enjoying each others company. Sooo fantastic.

Hopefully you don't find wedding planning to be too terribly stressful, but in case you do, hopefully you are able plan a wonderful honeymoon where you can take some time to enjoy being in the company of your husband/wife!

Wedding Wednesday: The Guestbook

Chances are, you probably haven't given much thought to the guestbook at your wedding. In fact, it may be something you don't ever give any thought to--after all, it isn't very difficult to buy one of those fancy little autograph books for people to sign as they are coming into the ceremony and/or reception.

But let's be real--are you ever going to pull that book out again and look through the list of signatures of people who attended your wedding? Probably not. Because ultimately, the guestbook is nothing more than a list of names, only valuable if one of your guests becomes famous and you can sell their signature for something. Sure, some people might leave a little note, but chances are, they've already written a note into their card and won't take the time to put something in the guestbook.

Does this mean that a guestbook like that is necessarily a bad idea? Certainly not. But be realistic with it--you probably won't ever do anything with it again. If you're okay with that, perfect. But there are lots of fun, creative ways to turn your wedding guestbook into more than just a book full of signatures--something you will actually be proud to display and cherish as a reminder of your wedding day. Need some ideas?

Love the idea of having people sign wine bottles! And they could easily be repurposed into flower vases or something after the wedding. If wine isn't up your ally, consider something more suited to your tastes--how about having your guests sign a slice of wood?

You know all those beautiful engagement photos you took? You know you are going to display some of those in your house after the wedding--why not have your guests sign a mat around the photo? Any time you are having a bad day you can walk by and read the sweet messages left by your guests (and as an added bonus, if you use the right kind of matting, you can replace the photo with a favorite wedding photo down the road).

I'm a big fan of monograms, so I love the idea of taking your married initial and having guests sign that. The possibilities are endless for displaying this in your house!

So long as you aren't inviting any guests that are trying to hide out from the law and keep their fingerprints from becoming publicly accessible, it's becoming a really popular idea to ask guests to "leaf" a thumbprint on a tree. Love that this couple made it look like they had carved their initials into the tree!

If you are planning to print a nice photo album for a coffee table book, consider turning it into your guestbook as well. You can pre-print a book with engagement pictures (or other random pictures of you as a couple), leaving blank spaces for people to sign, or if you are a do-it-yourself kind of person you can just have people sign blank scrapbook pages and incorporate them into a scrapbook of wedding photos. Either way, whenever you pull out the book to look through the pictures you'll also get to read the nice messages from your guests.

Don't see anything you like? There's lots more possibilities here!

(All images from Style Me Pretty)

Wedding Wednesday: Accommodating Out-of-Town Guests

Unless you are fortunate enough to have all your friends and family live in the same town as you, chances are you are going to have people that will be traveling in order to attend your wedding. While anyone who travels to a wedding (or anywhere) assumes that there will be some sort of time and financial burden, I always think that it's nice when the bride and groom do their best to ease the burdens of their travelers. Here are just a few things you can do to help make the trip a more enjoyable one for your guests.

Provide them with information about local resources.

Planning a trip can be a lot of work, so help out your guests by providing them with some of the basic information they'll need. If you know you have guests that are going to be flying, include information about nearby airports and car rental services. Give them information about lodging options and, if possible, reserve a block of rooms at a local hotel or two (some guests may still opt to shop around to see if they can find a better rate, but by reserving some rooms you guarantee that there are some rooms available for your wedding guests just in case there are other events in the area that may cause the hotels to fill up). Also, try to make a map available to your guests that has the main locations (ceremony, reception, etc) well-marked, or at least provide them with the exact addresses of those locations so they can map them themselves. Much of this information can be included with the wedding invitation, although many couples also choose to create a wedding website and have this information available on there as well.

Try to minimize the amount of down time for your guests.

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than being in an unfamiliar town with nothing to do for three hours between the ceremony and reception. If possible, try to keep your events close together so that guests aren't left to wander aimlessly. However, I also understand that sometimes special circumstances dictate the schedule of your day, and downtime is unavoidable. If you know there is going to be downtime, try to provide your guests with some options, especially if they are unfamiliar with the area: local points of interests, nearby parks, perhaps even a favorite bar or two. Even if they don't take advantage of your suggestions and opt to just hang out in their hotel room, they'll appreciate that you took the time to give them some guidance.

Have a welcome bag for them when they check into the hotel.

This requires a little bit of coordination with the hotels that your have rooms reserved at, but your guests will definitely appreciate the effort. Darrell and I did this for our wedding, and all we had to do was tell the front desk that whenever anyone checked in who had made a reservation in our block of rooms that they should be given a small goodie bag in addition to their room key. Not only are these welcome bags a good way to provide your guests with information about local things to do as well as detailed maps of the area, but you can also slip in a few goodies for the weary travelers: a bottle of water, trail mix, chocolate, etc. It can also be helpful to provide them with a person's contact information in case they have any difficulty navigating to wedding events; you may be difficult to get a hold of on your big day (and guests might feel bad calling you anyway), so provide them with the number of a trusted friend or family member who can help direct people who get lost.

Most guests will consider it an honor and a privilege to celebrate your wedding with you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't acknowledge the sacrifices they made to be in attendance. Do what you can to make sure they know their presence is appreciated--because trust me, the whole wedding day will go by so fast that you may not get the personal time with all your guests that you would like.

Wedding Wednesday: Incorporating Traditions

Oh Valentine's Day. That wonderful holiday of love, romance, and over-priced flowers and chocolates. Forgive me if I don't get overly sentimental about the holiday; the only thing I really like about Valentine's Day is the discounted chocolate the day after. But, I know many people hold Valentine's Day in high esteem, and enjoy the opportunity to shower those they care about with love and affection (regardless of the inflated cost), so in this traditional season of love I thought it would only be appropriate to address the implementation of traditions during another time of love: the wedding.

Wedding traditions can vary from widely-known (tossing the bouquet) to more intimate family traditions (wearing an heirloom broach). Regardless of the scope of the tradition, though, you should never include something in your wedding "just because it's what everyone else does". While some guests may be surprised that you omit the bouquet toss,  an equal number of guests probably won't even notice. If the thought of a bunch of grown adults dancing around like chickens makes you cry a little inside, tell the DJ he isn't allowed to play the chicken dance. If you are closer to your mom than your dad, have her walk you down the aisle. Or have them both walk you down the aisle. Or walk down the aisle by yourself! When it comes time to determine the details of your special day, remember that you are not planning the event to please your guests; you are planning the wedding to mark the beginning of your life as husband and wife, and therefore the day should be a reflection of you and your relationship with your future spouse. And if being "you" involves wearing a dress with rainbow-colored tulle, then by all means, go for it. Don't worry about what tradition says. Especially because many of the "common" traditions are rooted in beliefs that are no longer relevant in modern day (did you know that the tradition of the bride tossing her bouquet originated because wedding guests used to tear at a bride's dress after the wedding as an attempt to "steal" some of her luck so she would toss her bouquet--and other items--as a distraction?).

Personally, while I have no objections to mainstream traditions, I always find that I get more sentimental when I hear about family traditions that have been incorporated into weddings. Like the Bible passage that has been read at weddings for generations. Or the cake topper that graced the cake at a grandparent's wedding. Or the father-daughter song that your father used to sing to you as he rocked you to sleep as a child. Perhaps your guests won't recognize these things as tradition, and they likely won't understand the meaning behind them, but that's okay. What's important is that the traditions are meaningful to you.

Oh, and that whole Valentine's Day thing? Why not go for some traditions there too? Forget the expensive flowers and chocolates and jewelry--start a tradition of making cupcakes with your sweetie to share on Valentine's Day. Or make a homemade pizza--you could even shape the crust into a heart! The possibilities are endless.


Note: With baby fast approaching, I plan to wrap up my series of Wedding Wednesday in the next few weeks. So if you have any wedding-related topic that you would like me to address, feel free to let me know!

Wedding Wednesday: Caterers and the Menu

I already talked a little bit about how you can be unique by incorporating special foods into your wedding meal, but there are a few more considerations to make when selecting a caterer and other catering options. As I've said with some of the other vendors, choosing a caterer that has some familiarity with your venue can be beneficial. They'll already know the requirements about where they can and can't set up, as well as what access they have to a kitchen and/or supplies. It's also good to talk with other brides (or people) who have used that caterer--while you'll likely get an opportunity to sample their food items, something they serve you fresh may vary in taste when it has to be prepared in bulk and served at a wedding. You'll also be able to find out from previous patrons if the caterer provided good, timely service--the caterer probably won't admit to getting bad reviews in these areas.

Of course, many venues require you to use their caterer, so you might not have to worry about those considerations (although it's always a good idea to check into the caterer before finalizing your decision on the venue). But you'll still need to decide how to serve your food, generally either a buffet or plated dining service. Buffets are generally cheaper, although many people view them as less formal. However, I think they are perfectly fine, and certainly less work. Unless you plan to serve all of your guests the same meal, doing a plated dining service requires you to track menu selections of your guests, as well as devise a way to convey that information to the serving staff (usually done using the place cards). Additionally, doing a buffet allows you a little more freedom when it comes to special diet considerations. As long as you offer a variety of foods on your buffet, even people with special diets (like vegetarians) can pick and choose the items and still walk away with a full plate of food. Forcing them to pick an entree for plated dining service means they may not be able to eat all the food on their plate, or it may mean you need to offer additional options to accommodate their needs (which can drive up the costs with some caterers). Don't panic too much about what people can and can't eat, though--many people with very restrictive diets (like those with Celiac disease) often understand that caterers at large events like weddings won't be able to provide options suitable to their diets so they will make alternate arrangements on their own.

Most people will remember the quality of the food versus the elaborateness of the decor, so make sure you pay consideration to this when budgeting for and selecting a caterer. And don't be afraid to step out of the box and do something original--if I'm ever invited to a wedding where they serve ribs the bride will win major points in my book!

Wedding Wednesday: Picking a Florist

I don't have a lot to share in terms of advice on picking a florist, but my biggest piece of advice would be similar to what I've said with all the vendors--make sure it is someone that you feel comfortable with and trust. They should be happy and excited to be doing the florals for your wedding; you'll probably be able to tell at the first meeting if this isn't the case. Beyond that, the only other major consideration you need to make is to make sure the florist has access to the types of flowers you want. Not all florists may be able to import that beautiful rare flower you have your heart set on; not all florists have large collections of silk flowers. And if you want to include non-floral items in your centerpieces (like lights), make sure your florists does that as well. 

There is also one main thing that you can do to ensure a good experience with your florist (which I alluded to above): trust them. Giving your florist a specific bouquet or centerpiece to re-create (right down to the number and types of flowers) will significantly limit their ability to put together the best possible arrangements for your wedding. An experienced florist will know which types of flowers will work best for your environment (indoor/outdoor/season of the year) and which type of flowers will best complement each other (remember that the colors you see in pictures may not reflect the true color of the flowers). It is best to give your florist guidelines on the theme and style of the wedding (bringing in photos of things you do/don't like is always helpful), as well as discuss color combinations that you are planning to use, then give them some creative freedom to create the final product. Don't hesitate to schedule multiple consultations with a potential florist to help build this trust, and as always, talk with former brides that you trust to help steer you in the direction of the right florist. 

Wedding Wednesday: Choosing Your Baker

Pretty simple here: Google any potential baker on Cake Wrecks. If they show up, immediately take them off the list of possibilities. If they aren't there, you're golden.

Okay, so that's maybe a little over-simplified, but there's definitely some truth to it. One of the things people will remember most about the cake is how it looks, so you want to make sure you can trust your baker to create a quality product. You might be tempted to think that as long as all the images on their webpage/in their portfolio are good than you can trust them, but a baker isn't likely to display his/her unsuccessful creations. Likewise, a baker might only share positive reviews on his/her website, so don't be afraid to dig a little deeper on the internet to find out if there are any dissatisfied brides out there. Also, be sure ask around to people who got married in the same area--even years later a bride will be able to tell you whether or not she had a positive experience with her baker and if the end product was what she was expecting.

Of course, the taste of the cake is important too, so be sure to schedule a tasting (like I have to twist your arm on that one. Cake tastings are definitely one of the perks of wedding planning). Don't just sample the cake, either; remember that the frosting and/or fondant can have a huge impact on the taste of the dessert, and the flavors and textures will vary from baker to baker. And don't be afraid to ask questions during the tasting--if the baker is serving you fresh cake at the tasting but freezes her wedding cakes before delivering them, you'll want to know how that may affect the taste.

Lastly, if there is a specific design or style that you are dead set on having for your cake, try to find a baker who has created a similar product. While a baker may be able to create beautiful geometric shapes, they may not be as skilled at producing delicately piped flowers. With the easy access to information on the internet, it's probably easy to find lots of cakes that model the style and design you desire. But if you want to make sure it is something your baker will be able to re-create, limit your searching to styles that are already in your baker's repertoire. Find cakes that they have previously created and choose the designs/patterns you like off of those, because it's pretty safe to assume that they'll be able to recreate something they've done in the past.

Hopefully with a little careful discretion and some diligent research you can avoid some of the disappointments that these brides had to face with their wedding cakes! (Or these brides--Cake Wrecks is such a fun and addicting site!)

Wedding Wednesday: Selecting a DJ

So I realized during my two weeks off from blogging that I had shared some advice on how to select a photographer, but never continued with advice for selecting any of the other wedding vendors. And since sifting through the websites, online reviews, and personal recommendations can get overwhelming, I want to make sure to share a few considerations to make when selecting each of the wedding vendors. Starting today with the DJ.

One of the first things you'll want to decide before selecting a DJ is the "mood" you have in mind for your reception/dance. Do you envision a laid-back evening with casual dancing? Or do you want a wild and crazy dance party? Some DJ services specialize in the latter--lots of options for fun, rave-like lighting, lots of speciality sound-system features, and the DJ often assumes the role of "entertainer", interacting heavily with the guests and spending a fair amount of time on the mic. Perfect for some people, but probably not for everyone.

It's also a plus if your DJ is familiar with your reception site. They'll already know what they are and aren't allowed to do, where to set up, where the outlets and such are for them to use, etc. It's also likely that they would know the site manager, especially if they've done multiple events at the venue, which means they might take care of some of the necessary communication and not need you to facilitate everything.

Also, don't overlook the importance of meeting with your DJ a few times. It may seem tempting to dismiss meeting with the DJ to save yourself some time--after all, you can just email your DJ the list of songs you do and don't want him to play--but it's important for him to get a feel for you and your fiance. I was at a wedding where as the bride and groom were leaving the DJ decided to play "Let's Get it On"--perhaps cute and funny for some couples, but totally inappropriate for this particular couple.

Oh, and as I alluded to, make sure you give your DJ a list of songs that he is NOT allowed to play, as well as songs that you really want him to play. This is not only another way for him to get a feel for who you are as a couple, but also helps make his job easier, because he knows you'll be satisfied with the songs he plays. Most DJs will probably have a list of popular wedding dance songs for you to "yay" or "nay", but don't hesitate to add your own songs to the list (our DJ thought it was strange that I wanted Lonestar's "Amazed" on our do-not-play list, but trust me, I had my reasons).

Lastly, don't be afraid to be overly-thorough with what you expect from your DJ. This is true not only in terms of the general mood of the reception, but also in any "special" songs/dances you want your DJ to do. Be specific what song you want played for the garter/bouquet toss (or that you don't want either of those "traditions"), lay down guidelines for how many songs can be played during the dollar dance (and make sure he announces "last song" so people get rushed through the lines more quickly if there is a lot of them left), and make sure he knows whether or not he is allowed to let any of the guests use the mic (easiest way to avoid drunk Uncle Frank making an awkward comment? Make sure the DJ never gives him the mic). An example of something that ran afoul from personal experience: Darrell and I opted to do an Anniversary Dance at our wedding (basically inviting all married couples to the floor then slowly sending people off to find out which couple there had been married the longest), and afterwards wanted the couple to have a chance to share some marriage advice with us. Well, we weren't very clear about our vision for this, because after getting marriage advice from the longest-married couple, our DJ then went around the circle that formed and had each couple share a piece of marriage advice. And let me tell you, we had a lot of married couples at our wedding. But once he started going around the circle, it's not like we could really stop him.

The right DJ can really help create the perfect mood for your wedding reception, so don't be afraid to be picky and ask lots of questions. But also remember that most DJs are trained professionals, so don't be afraid to give them a little bit of leeway in allowing them to do what they see fit.

Wedding Wednesday: Favors

In the spirit of Christmas and gift-giving, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about wedding gifts--and subsequently, the wedding registry. But then I remembered that a year and a half ago, for our one year wedding anniversary, I did a whole series of wedding-related posts. Included a pretty detailed one on tips for the wedding registry (if you haven't checked it out, though, be sure to!). So, rather than repeat myself (because I really don't have any "new" advice from what is on there), I figured I would instead talk about the "gift" you will end up giving your guests: the wedding favor.

The whole idea behind giving your guests some sort of wedding favor is to thank them for coming to your wedding. At the very least, your guests have given up an afternoon/evening to drive across town and celebrate with you; at the most, they've given up an entire weekend and poured a decent amount of money into traveling to your wedding to celebrate with you. And in either scenario, they've likely brought you a gift as well. While you'll (hopefully!) be sending out thank you cards to personally acknowledge your gratitude, it's also courteous to have a little something for them at the wedding. Thankfully, there are no real "guidelines" in place for what the favor needs to be, so with a little creativity it's possible to find something nice for every budget. Here are a few different ideas, and a few notes about why I do (or don't) like them as favors.

(all images from Style Me Pretty)

Food as a Favor

 Food is probably one of the most common wedding favors. Candy is generally really easy to throw together as a favor; all you need is a few economy-sized bags of your candy of choice, a cute little box/bag to put a few pieces into, and a little personalized tag, and viola! Your favor is ready to go. While I understand the simplicity (and budget-friendliness) of doing something like this as a favor, it's personally not my favorite type of favor to get. Especially when the couple has clearly spent significant time wrapping the candy bars in personalized labels or paid extra money for personalized M&Ms. When it comes to food, I'm just going to eat it. I'm not going to save the personalized wrapper, and I'm not going to care if there is something special written on the candies. Save the extra money (and time), and put it toward something else: another food option on the buffet line, a larger portion of candy for each guest, or perhaps a different favor option all together. Like either of these.

I love both of these favors. These favors don't need fancy little wrappers or anything to be "personalized", by nature of the gift themselves they are a much more personalized reflection of the bride and groom (and perhaps a nod to the wedding location--like blueberry jam for a Maine wedding). Bonus points if the food item is homemade--and if you include the recipe it'll definitely be a favor they can cherish for a long time!

Centerpieces/Place Cards as a Favor

If you are doing assigned seating at your wedding, chances are that you'll be needing some sort of place card to direct your guests to the appropriate table. Rather than buying cutesy little card tents printed with each guest's name and then also having a favor sitting at the table for them, why not combine the two and save a little money? This way you also ensure that each guest will get a favor (no sticky fingers swiping goodies off the table). I was at a garden-themed wedding where the place card/favor was a packet of seeds printed with each guest's name and table number--definitely a unique way for the guest to remember your wedding for months/years to come!

You are also probably going to have some sort of centerpiece decorating the tables at your wedding. This is another good place to save some money by making the pieces multi-functional. Have the centerpieces be an arrangement of small potted flowers--and then encourage the guests to take them home at the end of the night. Or the centerpieces could be small packets of potpourri placed around some candles--another easy item for the guests to grab on their way out. Of course, a potential drawback with this option is that guests will leave without taking a favor with them, so make sure you have a plan in mind for what to do with extra favors.

"Trinkets" for Favors

I know this is kind of vague category, but for the sake of this post I'm categorizing a "trinket" as a non-perishable item that the guest can take home with him/her and enjoy for years to come. By nature of this sustainability, these gifts can easily become more expensive than some of the other types, but are often very well received by guests. I mean seriously, who wouldn't get use out of that super cute canvas tote bag? And one can never have too many bottle openers (stash one in your car if you already have one for the house--you'll be surprised when you might need it!). Obviously for a large wedding, a favor like one of these might blow the budget (although many places give you discounts for buying in bulk), but being able to "gift" your guests with something nice like this is just another reason to keep the guest list at a reasonable size. A few options that fall into this category that can be a little bit more reasonable in cost: matches and koozies.

(Not from Style Me Pretty... Obviously I'm not cool enough to have my wedding featured there)

Do try to keep your "trinket" practical for the majority of your guests; if you know only a small percentage of your guests drink beer, a bottle opener or koozie may not be the best idea because many guests may just leave the favor behind. And trust me, there is only so much you can do with a shoebox (or two!) full of extra koozies.

A Donation in lieu of a Favor

If there's been one common theme throughout all my comments covering a variety of favor ideas, it's been that many times the favor is not as well received as the bride and groom would hope. And really, this is unavoidable. You are never going to please everyone. Even the option of giving a donation in lieu of a favor is likely to be poorly received by some guests. However, this option is becoming more and more popular with couples because not only is it very worthwhile and altruistic, but it's also the only option that doesn't leave them with the possibility of figuring out what to do with the "extra" favors. Candy favors just gets eaten (and really, you're likely already feeding them a meal and cake, so it's not like candy is a necessity), live favors like flowers eventually die, and trinkets can get lost or left behind--a donation is really the only "favor" that is permanent. Just an option to keep in mind if you don't feel like "wasting" your money on a favor that only a portion of your guests will truly appreciate.

Wedding Wednesday: Being Unique

I don't want to stray from my weekly "Wedding Wednesday" tidbit, but I feel I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge the uniqueness that is today's date: 12/12/12. Not only is it fun repetition, but it is the last repeating date sequence that most anyone alive today will see (arguably, there are people today who could live to January 1st, 2101, which would be 01/01/01, although those people likely won't remember today as being 12/12/12). And as has been the case for many of the "fun" date sequences over the past twelve years, today is expected to be a popular day for weddings (even though it is a Wednesday). Understandably, there is something exciting about a wedding date with a fun pattern (especially if you are a numbers person), and as many couples would probably tell you, getting married on a day like today certainly makes the anniversary easy to remember. But even if you don't have the luxury of getting married on a date with a cool pattern (or if numbers aren't your thing), there are lots of ways to make your wedding uniquely "you".

(For the record, most of my examples are going to be personal examples that I've witnessed at weddings. I realize that many of these things won't be applicable to all couples and all weddings, but hopefully it will get the wheels turning to help you come up with your own unique aspects to include in your wedding.)

Incorporate hobbies/something from your love story into the wedding photos
A couple I went to college with met while playing soccer. For their wedding, they brought along their soccer cleats and a soccer play and used these "props" to take some fun outdoor photos. I've also seen musical couples stage some clever shots with a piano and/or other instruments--the possibilities are endless!

Offer a "speciality" drink from the bar
Did you meet on a trip to Mexico? Consider working with your bartenders to create a "Love-a-Rita" to offer to your guests. One couple we know celebrated their engagement by going to a local bar and asking the bartender to make them a shot--any shot--for them to "toast" with. They then offered this same shot to the guests at their wedding, which also gave them an opportunity to share a fun story from their engagement.

Consider transportation beyond the standard limo or classic car
Most every wedding I've been to (and probably most of the ones you've been to), have involved the married couple leaving the ceremony/reception in a limo or some type of classic car/convertible. Now, I'm not meaning to say that this option is boring (we used a convertible ourselves), and many couples certainly make this a unique aspect (such as leaving in a classic car the groom restored himself), but don't be afraid to think outside of the box on this one. I've seen weddings where the wedding party leaves on a flatbed truck with hay bales (perfect for that rustic country wedding), weddings where the wedding party heads off in a trolley, even a wedding where the group left the ceremony in a fire engine because the groom was a fireman. The most unique form of transportation I've seen, though, is a canoe. Some friends of mine canoed from their ceremony to the reception--and they loved every minute of it. And I have to admit--as a guest, I thought it was pretty awesome. And perfectly fitting for the couple.

Serve food that has some special meaning to your love story--and share that story with your guests
Darrell and I love to cook (and, well, love food), so it was really important to us to serve good food. While we were limited to sticking to the choices our caterer offered due to budgetary concerns, I would have loved to serve our guests a dish that was uniquely "us"--a recipe from our kitchen that we could have then shared with our guests. In fact, I can even tell you what we would have served had we been able to--bacon chicken, which was the first real meal Darrell and I ever prepared together from scratch (and I can't believe I don't have it on the blog! Shame on me). Cajun chicken pasta was also a consideration because it is a dish equally meaningful to us, and also one that we've been cooking together for seven (!!) years. Even though we couldn't customize our reception meal like I would have wanted to, we did have a little more fun with our rehearsal dinner. The long and the short of our "first date" story is that I ordered a full rack of ribs at dinner, and proceeded to eat the whole thing (using my fingers to pick up the bones and everything). And I'm sure I ate all my potatoes and other sides as well. Oh, and I also had a black eye from a soccer game. Super sexy. While many guys might have been mortified by this behavior and, well, manly appetite (especially on a first date!), Darrell apparently liked what he saw. So in honor of that, I insisted that we order ribs for our rehearsal dinner (actually, I tried lobbying to get ribs catered for the reception, but Darrell poo-pooed that idea). If there is a particular food or dish that would be special to include at your reception, don't be afraid to talk with your caterer about it! You might be surprised by their flexibility (I've actually seen mini peanut butter and jelly sandwiches served as appetizers--I don't know the backstory on that one, but it's totally cute).

Again, I know that these aren't exactly ideas that you can take from here and incorporate into your wedding plans, but that's kind of the point. What is unique for one couple won't necessarily be unique for another. Hopefully, though, these ideas will get you thinking about unique aspects of your love story that you could work into your wedding--from the date you get married on to what you serve to your guests.

Wedding Wednesday: Bridal Party (Part II)

So I realized that in my discussion of things to consider when selecting your bridal party last week, I didn't address the issue of including flower girls/ring bearers in said party. For some people, it's a no-brainer to include these little ones in the wedding, whether it be because you and/or your fiance have young children or because you have close family members who do. For others, it's equally as easy of a decision to exclude these roles from the wedding, usually for a variety of reasons. But if you are on the fence, here are a few things to consider.

The Ring Bearer and Flower Girl do not have to be a package deal
There is no rule that says having a flower girl requires you to have a ring bearer as well. While it may have been the tradition in the past to have both (or neither), many people are straying from that. A cute-looking youngster walking down the aisle is always adorable, alone or with others. No one will really pay attention to the fact that there was a cute looking flower girl but no ring bearer.

Kids are unpredictable, no matter what
You may think your little nephew is an angel and super well-behaved, and it the confines of a family home, he just might be. But when you put him in front of a church full of people, there's no telling what he might do. He might refuse to go down the aisle altogether; he may sprint down the aisle like a bat out of hell; he may get bored and start exploring the alter area during the service; trust me, I've seen it all. And pictures? Don't count on them cooperating--if you can even get them in the picture at all. If the idea of random surprises on your wedding day alarms you, having kids in your wedding party may not be right for you. Even if you are convinced your six-year-old niece is a perfectly well-mannered.

Kids come with baggage
You know that cute four-year-old you want to come drop rose petals in the aisle at your wedding? Well, she'll have to be at your rehearsal. And kids don't get themselves to rehearsals on their own. So expect to feed a few extra mouths at the rehearsal dinner, because you'll need to have the parents of your little ones invited as well. And the nosy dad of your adorable flower girl? Well, he may think that he's entitled to share his opinion about some of the details since his little girl is a part of the affair. Just something to keep in mind.

I realize that most of those points could be construed as reasons not to have a flower girl/ring bearer, and I should clarify--that really isn't my opinion in the least. Darrell and I had both at our wedding, and I wouldn't change it, even though our ring bearer never made it down the aisle and is throwing a tantrum in the only picture we have with him in it. For starters, I didn't know that he refused to walk down the aisle until after the ceremony was over, and by then I was too excited to care that something hadn't gone "perfectly". Plus, Darrell and I happen to think the picture of him throwing a tantrum is pretty darn cute. But I also know that Darrell and I are not everyone, and I know that some of these things would put a serious damper on someone else's wedding day. So I just wanted to make sure to be thorough and put a few things out there that some people may not consider before deciding to include little ones in their wedding party.

Wedding Wednesday: Picking the Bridal Party

As I mentioned right off the bat, one of the biggest factors that can increase the cost of a wedding is the size of the guest list. But many brides also forget that the size of the bridal party can be a huge cost factor as well. Let's look at a few things to keep in mind when determining who--and how many--to ask to stand up with you on your big day.

Bigger isn't always better
This is may be just a personal preference, but I think large bridal parties are overwhelming. I know that some people just have that many close family members and friends, but when there is a whole entourage of people at the front of the church, it can get easy to lose the bride and groom. And I find this to be especially true when looking at photographs of large bridal parties--it gets to be hard to "see" everyone because you are trying to cram so many people into the frame.

Images from Style Me Pretty

And there are obviously the financial considerations of having a large bridal party--more people in the bridal party means more people to pay for at the rehearsal dinner, more bridal party gifts to buy, a larger limo/vehicle to transport everyone from the wedding to reception (if you are planning to do that)--the list goes on.

Choose people who will make you wedding day better--not more stressful
The people in your bridal party will be around you the entire day of your wedding. So if you have a friend who is only tolerable in small doses, it is probably not wise to ask her to be in your bridal party. And that cousin who is more critical than helpful? Probably not a good idea to ask her either. Stick with people who make you smile, who make you feel relaxed, and who won't try to steal the limelight from you on your big day. Don't let yourself feel guilted into asking people to be in your bridal party--if they truly get offended that you didn't include them and subsequently hold it against you, then they probably weren't truly your friend in the first place--or at least weren't friends with you for the right reasons. But if they are truly your friend, they will understand and respect your decision, and probably still offer to help in whatever way they can. (And in fact, some might even be relieved not to be asked to be a bridesmaid because being a bridesmaid can be somewhat of a financial burden. Which brings me to point three....)

Don't make being a member of the bridal party a huge financial--or time--burden.
This is a huge one for me. By asking someone to be in your bridal party, you are pretty much acknowledging the special role he or she plays in your life. So don't turn around and take advantage of those special people in your life by asking them to shell out tons of money--or dedicate hours of their time--to be a part of your big day. Obviously there are some financial commitments; I pretty much expect that when someone asks me to be a bridesmaid that I'll be expected to pay for a dress (and possibly matching shoes and jewelry--more on bridesmaid dresses later though). But as the bride, you can make this burden a little bit easier by selecting items that are reasonably priced, or even paying for an element of their wedding day attire (make the jewelry their bridesmaid gift, for example). Also, be understanding when planing the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party. If you have your heart set on going to Vegas, understand that some of your bridal party might not be able to afford the trip (or at least make sure they are aware of--and okay with--this "obligation" from the start).

And even though you may have lots of wonderful DIY elements that you want to add to your wedding, don't expect your bridal party to help you put those elements together. Sure, you may have friends that are as DIY-minded as you are and would subsequently love to help out, but you may have other friends who are not comfortable with those kind of projects--or who might not have the time to spend four hours on a Saturday to help you put together invitations. Be understanding of these things--remember, you asked them to be in your bridal party because they have a meaningful relationship with you; a wedding is not a good excuse to take advantage of that relationship.

Wedding Wednesday: On Dieting

Shortly after getting engaged, I had a few different people ask me what "wedding diet" I was going to go on. My initial reaction was to be upset by their question and the implication that I even needed to go on a diet prior to getting married. However, the question was usually followed up by the statement "not that you need to go on a diet or anything, but I just figured you would since everyone else does".

Here's my two cents on that. "Diets" are terrible ideas (sorry if you thought you were going to be getting an analysis of the different, popular wedding diets in this post. You aren't). Most diets produce results that are difficult, if not impossible, to maintain. And long-term, constantly going on and off diets can actually be bad for your body.

Now, that isn't to say I'm against people wanting to look their best at their wedding. I totally understand that these are pictures that you will (hopefully) cherish for the rest of your life and you want to look good in them. But ideally, you'll want to look good after them as well. Personally, I think I would get upset looking at my wedding photos if they were images of a much slimmer me that I had lost shortly after getting married. I feel like the pictures would "taunt" me with an image of what I could look like, and make me feel guilty for how I currently looked.

The solution? (Yes, I do have one. This isn't going to be a total Debbie-Downer kind of post. Although I'm sort of in that mood today which maybe explains my choice of topic.) Find a lifestyle change that will work for you. Lifestyle changes aren't easy--but the results and benefits are much longer lasting than a 30-day juice cleanse diet. Start small if you need to--cut out one fast food meal per week. Go for a 30 minute walk one night per week. Switch your afternoon soda to a glass of water. Pack a handful of carrots with your lunch. Sure, you may not see results as immediately as you would if you jumped on board with an extreme diet plan, but trust me, you will see results. And they will be much easier to maintain because you've built the habits into your daily life--not into some crazy liquid diet that you'll drop immediately after the wedding.

It's one thing to look your best on your wedding day. But to be able to maintain that change and continue to look your best (and even continue to fit into your wedding dress) five, ten, even fifteen years down the road? Now that's an accomplishment to be proud of.

Food for thought.

Wedding Wednesday: Choosing Your Photographer

Last week, I mentioned that many couples use Save-the-Dates as a way to showcase some of the images from their engagement photo shot. Well, in order to have engagement photos to share, you should probably start by selecting a photographer to take the photos. Now, some brides use different photographers for their engagement and wedding photos, but many photographers offer discounted engagement sessions if you book them for your wedding. Plus, shooting an engagement session gives you a chance to get to know your photographer and get comfortable with them so that your wedding photos will feel more natural.

I could list off a million different tips for selecting a wedding photographer, but there are a multitude of articles out there already about that topic (just Google "choosing a wedding photographer" if you don't believe me), and for the most part, the lists are all pretty comprehensive. However, since Darrell and I were one of the unfortunate ones who made an unlucky photographer selection (and have the bad wedding pictures to prove it), there are a few pieces of advice I want to be certain to share that will hopefully save other couples from our bad fate.

--Trust your instincts
When Darrell and I had our initial meeting with our photographer, his "studio" space was nothing more than a converted garage/shed (in a not-so-nice part of town). I was slightly uncomfortable, but we found out soon that they were in the process of moving to a new location (in a much nicer area), so we ignored that concern.

--Take a look at the quality of their equipment
While meeting with the photographer, Darrell--who had recently purchased an SLR camera himself--noticed that they had one of the models that he had been considering. He asked how they liked it, and they responded with "we've actually found that it doesn't take very good pictures". In retrospect, this should have been a major red flag. From the research he did, Darrell knew full well that the camera they had was more than capable of taking quality pictures, so if it wasn't performing well it was probably due to user error. But, we dismissed it, because they started bragging up a different camera model that they had, and we (foolishly) trusted that they knew what they were doing.

--Don't be influenced by extra bells and whistles
Our photographers came from a strong graphic design background, and we were certainly impressed with some of the things they were able to do with their images. However, no one really wants a wedding photo that has a trendy "ripple" design, and superimposing images on each other is only so cool. And besides, none of those "edits" are really all that  impressive when the quality of photo that you start with isn't very good. So if your photographer is offering all sorts of extras or is strongly advertising something other than their photography skills, be warned that they might be compensating for something.

--Be thorough when you look through their portfolio
The best way to guarantee that your photographer will be able to get good shots of your wedding and reception is to look at images they have shot at the same venues you are using. Photographers are naturally more comfortable shooting at a familiar location, and they'll know where and how to get the best shots at that particular place. However, even if they haven't shot a wedding at the exact same location, make sure they have at least shot a wedding at a similar location.

This is the piece of advice I really wish I had known prior to choosing our wedding photographer. We looked through their photos, and the images were pretty great and had the type of style we were looking forward, so we really didn't have any pressing concerns. However, after getting back our (terribly awful) images from the church ceremony and family pictures at the alter, we realized something about the portfolio: all the weddings he had shot had been outdoor weddings--a far cry from our church where no flash was allowed during the ceremony.

--Make sure you are totally comfortable around them
If you leave your meeting with you photographer feeling like you were biting your tongue about something because you weren't comfortable saying it, chances are they aren't the right photographer for you. While this kind of goes back to the idea of trusting your instincts, feeling guarded around your photographer will ultimately have a negative affect on your photos. Darrell and I had an engagement shot that we really wanted to take out at the Palisades near Garretson that would have involved some careful maneuvering on rocks in the river. At the last minute, we chickened out about asking them to take it because we didn't think they'd be comfortable with it--and I still regret that. Additionally, they put us into some poses that were not very "us", but rather than say something we just did what they said. And wouldn't you know--the pictures of us in those poses were not keepers because we (shockingly) looked uncomfortable. To this day, one of my favorite wedding photos is one that our photographers did nothing to stage; I simply asked Darrell to pick me up and carry me, praying that our photographers would be intelligent enough to capture the image (which, thankfully, they were).

I know photographers can be expensive, but you (hopefully) only get married once, and it's worth the investment to hire someone you know will give you quality images of the shots you want. I read this in about every article I looked at prior to our wedding, but foolishly dismissed it. My logic was that everyone takes pictures at a wedding, so we could save some money on our photographer and then I'd just compile photos from my family and friends to fill in any gaps. Well, I'll tell you from experience, that logic only works so well. Sure, my friends got some decent shots of me getting ready, and lots of guests got pretty good shots from the reception, but not many guests take pictures during the ceremony. And those formal shots at the alter? There aren't a whole lot of people around to snap extras of those. And even if there are--your photographer is likely the one with the best angle. To my knowledge, there is not a decent picture out there of Darrell and I at the alter (with my gorgeous bouquet), nor a salvageable picture of Darrell and I with his family. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but it's just as true that not having those pictures will leave a hole so large that even a thousand words won't be able to fill it. So choose your photographer wisely.

Wedding Wednesday: Save-the-Dates

If you've been invited to a wedding in the past five years, chances are you received a pre-invitation, called a save-the-date, months before getting the actual wedding invitation. As a bride-to-be, you may be unsure whether or not this newer tradition is really a necessary expense. In my (totally unprofessional) opinion, there are only a few circumstances where sending a save-the-date would be important. If you are having your wedding over a holiday weekend (around July 4th, around Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, etc), sending out a save-the-date ensures that your guests have as much time as possible to prepare for the event, since they may normally have other plans during those times. Additionally, if you are having a destination wedding, or even just if many of your guests will need to fly in order to attend your wedding, sending them a save-the-date allows them ample time to shop around for airfare and hopefully find a good price to ease their burden of travel.

However, even in those circumstances, a save-the-date can still be bypassed, and information about your wedding date/location can be shared via word of mouth, email, or other social media outlets. Of course, sending a save-the-date tells the person that they will definitely be receiving a formal invitation later; a generic Facebook or Twitter post does not indicate to people who read it whether or not they will be invited.

That being said, many brides still opt to send save-the-dates, even if their wedding doesn't fall into one of the above situations, because they can be a fun way to get people excited for the wedding (having a magnet on your fridge is certainly a frequent reminder of the event), plus they allow the bride and groom to get a little bit more creative with the presentation than they may be comfortable doing on the formal invitation.

A save-the-date allows couples to showcase their wedding location,

to share some information about their love story,

to showcase their passions (and possibly the theme for the wedding),

and of course, it's a great way to share some of your gorgeous engagement pictures.

If the budget is tight, save-the-dates are an easy place to cut expenses (rather than a photographer or caterer, for example), since by the time they are designed, printed, and mailed the cost can get pretty high. However, they are a good way to share some of the important details of your wedding day and get people excited for the event, so the final decision is up to you!


All images found at Style Me Pretty.

Wedding Wednesday: Getting Organized

Whether you are two weeks or two months into your wedding planning, chances are you've started quite the collection of paperwork. You might already have signed contracts from your reception site, perhaps you have receipts from your dress purchase, and of course there are all of those little bits of paper that you've been jotting ideas down on. Many stores have "comprehensive" wedding planning binders that you can purchase (usually for a sizable chunk of change), but I found that it was much easier (and much more cost-effective) to make one myself. This way I was able to customize it for what I needed, and wasn't paying money for stuff I wouldn't get any use of.

All you really need is a three-ring binder with pockets, a handful of sheet protectors, and some loose leaf paper. Here's what mine looked like:

The pockets were great because I could stick stuff there that was a "top priority" so I would remember to get it done, plus they served as a nice catch-all for miscellaneous papers that didn't fit anywhere else. I then had about fifteen pages of loose-leaf paper, labeled for different aspects of my wedding (reception, bridal party, ceremony, etc), and keep notes on the appropriate sheets throughout the planning process. Looking back, I realized that there were lots of ideas that we had written down that we never ended up doing, but I'm still glad we wrote so much down so that we had options when it came to the finalization of the details. I also included in my binder a wedding planner workbook that I was able to print for free from eleGALA.com; although I didn't utilize all the pages, it had some nice budget and planning sheets and was easy enough to three-hole punch to include in my binder.

Next came the sheet protectors. This was probably the aspect of my binder that I was most grateful for. Most of the papers and documents you get from vendors isn't uniformly sized and often can't be easily hole-punched. So each vendor got its own "sleeve" where I was able to store brochures, business cards, copies of the contracts, etc.

I also had a sleeve that I used for storing general receipts (paper plates for the rehearsal dinner, candles for the centerpieces, etc) so that I made sure to track those expenses and also so that I had the receipts available in case a return or exchange needed to be made.

It was also helpful that I bought had a purse that my binder would fit into. I could easily carry it with me anywhere so I always had some place to jot ideas, no matter where they came to me (like songs that I did/didn't want being played). Plus whenever we met with vendors I knew I would have the documents from our previous meetings as well as easily be able to file away new information.

Even if you aren't normally an organized person, planning a wedding is a good time to start improving your organization habits. Or at least enlist in the help of someone who is well organized. Because by the time everything is said and done, you'll have likely acquired quite a bit of paperwork. And some of it you may even want to have around after the wedding, in case a vendor does not fulfill one of their contractual obligations and you want to get your money back (this may sound petty now, but trust me, you'll feel differently if your photographer ruins your wedding photos and/or does not take the photos he/she had agreed to. Getting that money back won't fix the issue, but it may ease the pain).

Wedding Wednesday: Dress Shopping!

Now that you've started to create an mental image of your big day, complete with location and colors and season, it's time to add arguably one of the most important details--the dress! Many designers can take six to eight months to ship their bridal dresses, plus you'll want to leave at least a few months for fittings and alterations, so it's important to tackle the dress shopping early. Plus, you may find yourself falling in love with a dress that you would have never expected, and it may change a few of the elements of your wedding day (I definitely went back and started adding silver into my bouquets and decor after buying a dress with a silver sash). It's never to late to make those kind of changes, but they are generally cheaper to do early on (like, before you buy yards of white ribbon only to end up buying an ivory dress and wanting to change everything to ivory), so the sooner you can find "the dress", the better. Besides, isn't shopping for the dress one of the best things about getting engaged anyway?

There can be a lot of factors that go into selecting "the dress", especially if you don't exactly have an image of what you want in your head. However, I want to first tackle some of the preliminaries of dress shopping--what to expect at your appointments, what you can do to be prepared for them--and we'll worry about making the final decision a little bit later.

One of the first things you can do even before you have your first appointment is look at a variety of dresses online to help give you an idea of things you do or do not like. Maggie Sottero, Alfred Angelo, and Allure Bridals are some popular designers. Most bridal stores will also include links to the dress designers that they carry, so if you know where you are going to be shopping the bridal salon's website is also a good place to start. A few things to keep in mind though: Most stores do not stock the entire lines of dresses that the designers they carry, so if you fall in love with one off the website there isn't a guarantee that it will be available in the store (if you are brave enough, most stores will order for you off the designers website, though). Also, don't get pigeon-holed on the type of dress you have to have. Most bridal consultants have helped hundreds of brides, and they might be able to recommend a dress that will be super flattering on you, even though it may not have been a style you were initially looking at. Open-mindedness is key at some of your first appointments--and besides, you will hopefully only be doing this once so you might as well try on all the dresses you can!

If you are like my sister and are traveling from out of town for your appointments, there is nothing wrong with scheduling appointments at multiple stores in the same day. However, keep in mind that you will want to space your appointments out a little bit so that you can allow time to travel between the stores and also give yourself some wiggle room if an earlier appointment runs a little long. Trying on dresses can also get exhausting, so a little down time to grab a snack can be a good energy booster. You'll also want to have a camera along; not all bridal salons allow photos, but you'll want to get plenty of pictures at the ones that do because by the end of the day, it can be hard to remember all of the details of all of the different dresses. Plus it's always fun down the road to have a picture of you in the dress to stare at while you are waiting (impatiently) for the dress to ship.

There are a few clothing considerations that you'll want to make on the day of your appointment. For starters, you will likely be getting in and out of your clothes multiple times (at least once at each place you have an appointment), so wear something comfortable (but nice). Also, you'll want to make sure you have neutral undergarments and a comfortable bra; if a strapless bra is necessary most stores will provide one for you (and one that is likely to have the same cut as the dress so you aren't distracted by your bra when looking at yourself in the dress).

There is one final thing to think about while you are out searching for "the dress". In many instances, the store you purchase your wedding dress from will be the same store you purchase much of the other apparel for your wedding--bridesmaid dresses, tuxes, flower girl dresses, etc--as well as the place that will likely work with you during your fittings and alterations. So it isn't just about finding the perfect dress, but finding a salon that has consultants that you are comfortable with, that treat you well (be a little selfish, you are the bride and deserve some special treatment), and who genuinely care about making your wedding day the best it can be. This definitely came into play for me; I had narrowed my selection down to four dresses between two stores, but was always a little bothered by the service at one of the stores (it always felt to me like they were trying to push their own personal agenda instead of listening to what I actually wanted), so I went with one of the dresses from the other store (and was soooo glad I did; we got nothing but exceptional service and every time I walked into the store I felt like they were genuinely excited to see me and hear how the progress of my wedding planning was going. Shout out to The Bridal Gallery in Sioux Falls--they're so awesome, in fact, that when we were there looking for dresses for my sister they still had the wedding picture I had sent them up on display!).

Next week we'll talk a little bit about keeping all this wedding stuff organized--you likely already have quite a few documents started and idea jotted down, and once you start meeting with and selecting vendors you'll want to make sure you have a place to store and organize your contracts and payments.

Wedding Wednesday: Colors/Theme

Once you have some of the boing preliminary items out of the way--budget, guest list, wedding date--it's time for the fun stuff to begin. And yes--this does include wedding dress shopping. But before we can get to that, there is another important element to decide: the wedding theme/color scheme. An elegant, traditional wedding will call for a completely different wedding dress (among other things) than a fun, upbeat, modern wedding. So, let's look at a few ways to find the perfect color scheme/theme for your wedding.

The first thing to take into consideration is the season in which you are planning to have your wedding. Summer weddings are great, but it might be strange to use rich, fall colors like burgundy in the middle of July. Likewise, light, soft pastels might get lost in the snowy background of a winter wedding. Use inspiration from nature--and possibly even the venue if you have that chosen--to help guide your selection. And don't be afraid to keep an eye out everywhere you go--you might see a pattern on some fabric that you like and could incorporate into your invitations and maybe onto your cake. You could see a color combination on a mannequin in a store that resonates with the image you have for your wedding. And of course, the internet abounds with sites that offer suggestions of color combinations and have a plethora of images of real weddings so you can see how the shades come together (Style Me Pretty was visited almost daily while I was planning my wedding). 

Sometimes selecting a theme will help you focus on the color scheme that you want to use. A modern theme could incorporate bright, bold colors and geometric shapes; an elegant French or European theme would be more likely to use soft pastels and possibly accents of gold or silver. Darrell and I both love the outdoors, and both have fond memories of childhoods near water, experiences that we plan to pass on to our children (freshwater for me, saltwater for him), so I wanted to incorporate that into our May wedding. I also love spring and the brightly colored flowers, so we decided on a predominately blue wedding (with lots of water being incorporated in our centerpieces) with bright pops of colorful flowers throughout. Easy-peasy. 

One last thing that we did with the color scheme that was helpful was go to a hardware store and look at paint samples. I know this may sound strange, but it gave us a basis for what shades of the colors we were looking for (because trust me, you tell a baker you want blue piping on your cake and you might get a totally different shade a blue than what you wanted). So, not only were we able to mix and match colors to find shades that complemented each other, but I then had tangible color samples that I could carry around to show our vendors so they had a better idea of exactly what I was talking about. This method might be equally helpful if you are stuck on accent colors to use--I know my sister is leaning toward an orange wedding since that has always been her favorite color, but isn't sure what to do with the orange. So, I suggested that she go look at paint samples, find an orange that she likes, and figure out other combinations that go well with it.

Of course, sometimes decisions on theme/color scheme aren't finalized until after you find "the dress"; you may fall in love with lace and decide to incorporate an old-fashioned feeling into your wedding or perhaps a gorgeous, poofy dress with feathery accents calls for the incorporation of feathers throughout your wedding. This happened even to me--after choosing a dress that had a silver sash I decided to incorporate silver into my blue, brightly colorful wedding (and it ended up being the perfect accent to our bright cobalt blue!) So, without further delay, let's head to the bridal salons next week!