(Failed) Preparations for Real Life

As a parent, one of the things we want to do for our children is prepare them for the issues and obstacles they will face in their lives (notice that I didn't say we were trying to prevent them from having any difficulties in their lives... But that's a whole separate post). And sure, our boys are young and really haven't had to deal with much of anything, but I like to think that we're doing a pretty good job.

Until the other night. When William woke up in hysterics. Because his hand fell asleep and was subsequently waking up. Apparently we had done nothing to prepare him for the pins and needles feeling that happens as a result of a body part falling asleep. And he was not okay with that--or the "owie" that he had in his hand. Of course, we tried explaining to him what was happening, but in the heat of the moment (and the middle of the night) he was not having it. So we just sat there with him. While he screamed and cried and rubbed his hand against his stomach like somehow that would make the sensation go away. And considering we forgot to discuss the situation with him in the morning when he was calm and more likely to understand what we were saying, I imagine we'll have a similar response the next time that happens.

Oh well. I guess we can't win them all.

The Curse of the (Clean) Socks

If you have been a Minnesota Vikings fan for anything length of time, all I need to do is mention Gary Anderson and the 1998 season and you know exactly what I'm talking about. But for those of you who aren't familiar, here's a quick backstory: In 1998, the Vikings were having a spectacular season. They became only the third team in NFL history to win 15 games during the regular season, and scored a then-record 556 points. They cruised to the NFC Championship game--with home field advantage--where they faced the Atlanta Falcons. With a seven-point lead and two minutes left in the 4th quarter, the Vikings had a chance to essentially put the game away with a 38-yard field goal. Despite going 35 for 35 on field goals in the regular season, Gary Anderson missed. And that miss gave the Falcons a chance to tie the game and push it into overtime, which they eventually won (by kicking a 38-yard field goal, ironically).

What you may not know and what I previously failed to mention is that it is MY fault Gary Anderson missed that field goal. On that particular Sunday, I wasn't feeling the greatest, so at halftime, I changed out of my church clothes and into something more comfortable (which was only something we were allowed to do when the Vikings were losing at halftime, which in this particular game they weren't). I also spent most of the second half lying on the couch, and during all of the games earlier in the season I had sat upright to watch. So really, it should come as no shocker that Anderson missed that field goal--and clearly, it was all my fault.

Sounds ludicrous, right? Not to my sister. I kid you not, for YEARS I had to deal with her telling me it was my fault the Vikings didn't make it to the Super Bowl that year (and truthfully, she'd probably say the same now, but I just avoid bringing it up). My sister is what you call superstitious--and a little obsessively so. Candidly, my dad is too, but my sister is definitely worse. Which brings me to this year--and the curse of the socks.

The Vikings started this season 5-0--a surprise not just because they are the Vikings, but also because their starting quarterback suffered a season (and possibly career) ending injury in practice just weeks before the start of the season, plus their starting running back suffered a serious knee injury early in the second game of the season and has been out since. Admittedly, it hadn't always been pretty, but the Vikings still managed to find a way to come out ahead in the first five games. And then they had a bye, which by all counts, should have been a good thing. They had extra time to really work with the offense and cater it toward the players who were healthy and playing, not the ones who they had thought would be playing when the season started. Plus they had time to rest a few minor defensive injuries. And statistically, teams have a slightly higher odds of winning coming off a bye week. But for the Vikings this year, none of that was good enough.

You see, what the Vikings hadn't counted on and couldn't prepare for during their bye week, was the fact that my sister's husband WASHED her Vikings socks. So when she sat down for their game against the Eagles, she was wearing the same outfit she'd worn for each of the previous games--but her socks were clean (I'll let you infer what that means for the rest of her outfit). And that, ladies and gentlemen, ruined it for the Vikings. They lost that game--and they haven't won since. All because her socks were washed during a winning streak--and everyone knows you don't mess with the mojo when there is a winning streak going on. I promise you my brother-in-law won't be forgetting that anytime soon after the "spirited discussions" he had with my sister after the sock-washing incident.

In all seriousness, though, I really hope the Vikings manage to find a way to win against the Redskins on Sunday. Because if I have to listen to my sister complain one more time that the Vikings can't win because her socks got washed, I think I might lose it. I may not get into the games quite like some of my family members, but I do enjoy my purple and gold football Sundays with this crazy family.

Driver's Ed Anyone?

How's that for a spectacular parking job?? This was the predicament Darrell and I were faced with after church a few weeks ago (his is the silver car--and yes, we were there first). And of course, unlike most Sundays where we hang out and socialize for a little while after church--making this situation not as big of a deal--this was the one Sunday we were in a hurry and wanted to get home ASAP. Darrell really wanted to go inside and make a (loud) announcement to people sitting around enjoying coffee fellowship to find out whose car it was, but I know my husband in those type of situations and I know that his "announcement" would have not been very calm and would have likely hurt feelings. Trying to be the less confrontational calmer one, I convinced him that we should wait it out (it wasn't extremely important that we get home right away; it was just for the sake of William needing to go down for a nap because he was already almost two hours "late" for his nap thanks to church). Unfortunately, the lady parked next to us was apparently in no sort of hurry to leave, and we ended up waiting nearly 45 minutes. Needless to say, we were all pretty stressed (and overtired) by the time we got home. But miraculously, there was no damage to our car. Not entirely sure how she managed that, but whatever. It's also safe to say that we've learned a few lessons about ideal (and less-than-ideal) spots to park our car, especially when we have to navigated getting a door open wide enough to get William into his car seat. Lesson learned. 

Grapes of Wrath

Want to know a surefire way to wake a sleeping baby? Frozen grapes. More specifically, four cups worth of frozen grapes spilling out of your freezer and all over your floor. Seriously sounded like a mini machine gun going off in our house. Some female in this house (I won't say who...) apparently did not do a very good job putting the tray in the freezer, and when Darrell opened it last night to make smoothies--BAM. Disaster all over our kitchen. And the icing on the cake? William, who had been asleep for only 45 minutes or so, responded to the incident like he had been woken up from a nap--wide awake and ready to play. Not exactly high on Mom and Dad's priority list at 9:00 at night. Lessons learned: place items in the freezer with more caution and frozen grapes get seriously hard. And maybe reconsider smoothie making once William is asleep, especially given the proximity of his room to the kitchen (because I was finally close to getting him settled back down and then BAM--Darrell ran the blender to get the smoothies made. Progress undone).

(For what it's worth, the smoothies were delicious. But after the battle we had getting William back to sleep I found myself wishing we had spiked them--at least just a little bit.)

Think Before You Ink

Doesn't just apply to body art....

Not just one, but two grammatical errors. Brilliant.

Wasted

I'm not talking about being wasted, but it does have to do with alcohol. More specifically, alcohol abuse.

While dining in the Minneapolis airport earlier this week, the patron at the table next to us left these two swallows of wine in the bottom of her glass. Now, regardless of the circumstance, I think it's a total waste to not finish your wine (or any drink for that matter). But when you are dining in an airport, where prices are even more ridiculous than at a normal restaurant, it should be a crime to not finish your drink. I mean, given what she probably paid for the glass and the small amount that came in the glass we're talking one to two dollars worth of wine left behind! I don't care how close you are to missing your flight--popping that last bit of wine in your mouth and swallowing it doesn't take any time at all!


Disclaimer: I fully understand that wine (and most drinks) are meant to be sipped, not gulped. But special circumstances call for special measures. And, you know, maybe if she hadn't spent twenty minutes on the phone she would have been able to finish her wine (and meal! I swear it looked like she only took two bites of her salad) before dashing off to catch her plane. It's a shame this wine had to be wasted because of one woman's poor time management.

Face Palm Friday

Well, I had a worthwhile (and delicious) recipe all ready to go for today, and then something happened that I just couldn't resist posting. In fact, this was the second time something like this has happened this week, so it was even more of a sign that it needed to be out on the interwebs. And who knows, maybe this Face Palm Friday thing will catch on; it's got a nice ring to it!

So here's the latest face palm in my life. As you may know, I work in a high school. More specifically, I work with students who, for whatever reason, are behind in or struggling with their classes. Sometimes I feel bad for the students because they genuinely cannot grasp the concept being taught (Algebra II can be legit difficult, people), but sometimes I feel like the students bring their problems on themselves. Case in point: twice this week (twice!) I have had students complain to me because they can't find the answer to a question on a worksheet. When asked what they've done to determine the answer, I've gotten variations of this same response: "Well, I've looked through the chapter, but the word I'm trying to find isn't one of the bolded or italicized words so I don't know how I'm supposed to find it". Umm, really? Of course, I don't say that to the student; I politely tell them that they might need to read the chapter in order to find the answer to their question. To which one of the students responded, "You mean like start with the first word at the beginning of the chapter and read until the last word at the end of the chapter?". Yes, yes, that's exactly what I mean. That's exactly what it means to "read the chapter". Sigh.

It's days like today where I have to (constantly) remind myself that what might be (painfully) obvious to me is not always obvious to these kids. And that's what I'm here to help with--sometimes that might mean helping a student understand how to rationalize the denominator of a radical function; sometimes it means clarifying the meaning behind simple phrases like "read the chapter". Oh, the joys of high school.

You Might be a Redneck if....

I kid you not. This is the scene Darrell and I walked into last night at my parent's house. And I know it's hard to tell from the picture, but the chairs are pointed at their TV (which--sadly--is not an old box with rabbit ears, as much as that would fit in this scenario). Of course there is a totally legitimate reason for this set-up--my parent's are doing some remodeling and needed to move all the furniture to get the rooms re-carpeted (hence why we were there)--but the scene was still quite comical. As my brother commented, "You guys look like two deadbeat drug dealers who had to sell the furniture to buy dinner and your next round of drugs--and now you are enjoying that dinner in front of the TV before you have to sell that too". Definitely not the case--but funny nonetheless.

Oh, and for the record--that awesome faux-wood paneling? That's totally staying.

How Did These Kids Get to High School?!?!

For those of you who don't know, I work as a math/science "specialist" at a high school (I use quotation marks because that isn't actually the title on my job description, it's just a better explanation for what I on a daily basis). And on many occasions, I find myself having to teach things to students that seriously make me scratch my head and go "really??"

Exhibit A
Student: I think I made a mistake on this problem.
Me: How so?
Student: Well, I changed the scale of the viewing window on my calculator, so won't that change the values of my x- and y-intercepts?
Me: *face palm*

Exhibit B
Student: I don't understand what I'm supposed to do.
Me: Have you read the directions?
Student: Yeah. It says to "find the product".
Me: So what math operation does that mean you should do?
Student: I don't know, divide?

Exhibit C
Student: Where's the fraction button on this calculator?
Me: Most calculators don't have a fraction button.
Student: So how do I enter a fraction?
Me: Well, what operation is indicated by the fraction bar?
Student: Subtract?

Exhibit D
Student: I can't solve this problem.
Me: Well, what have you tried so far?
Student: Nothing.
Me: Then how do you know you can't solve it?
Student: It has fractions in it.
(Seriously. I get this all the time. And if they get a fraction for an answer? You better believe they are convinced they did the problem incorrectly.)

And I don't have any one good example about this next "really?" moment, but you won't believe the number of times I have to explain to high school students the difference between area and perimeter and how to calculate either for basic shapes (rectangles, triangles, circles). Pretty certain that is an elementary school skill.

Now, maybe I just have too high of standards for these kids, but there are so many times where I find myself teaching concepts that I know are covered (thoroughly) at the middle school level, if not elementary. And when the students are in advanced classes (as is the student in Exhibit A), I'm definitely going to hold them to a higher standard. Of course, if all the students understood these things I'd be out a job, but still. The comedy of it all just makes me laugh sometimes. We're wrapping up our school year for this spring, but I may have to continue this list in the fall--because I know these students will continue to surprise me.

*Face Palm*

I know I've seen some really dumb advertisements out there so I don't know that I can accurately call this "The World's Dumbest Advertisement", but if there was a competition this one would certainly be in the running.

"No deprivation"?!?! Isn't deprivation inherent in the use of the phrase "gave up wheat"? According to my fancy computer dictionary, deprivation means "the lack or denial of something considered to be a necessity". Now, I can scientifically agree that wheat is not a necessity; however, most people I know consider wheat to be a staple in their diets. And cutting it out would, in fact, be denying themselves something that they consider to be a necessity.

Let's call a spade a spade on this one guys. While I know that gluten-free diets work (and are necessary) for some people, this ad should more accurately read "No Excuses. No counting calories. No more cheap and easy trips to restaurants or the grocery store because wheat is in pretty much everything except specialty items".

(Yes, I know, fruits and vegetables and meats are gluten-free. And having a diet mostly limited to those is pretty much acceptable. But having to give up bread and pizza and pasta and tortillas and chips? No thank you.)